Dumbass Running Advice
Dumb-ass running advice is everywhere and excretes out of everyone. Most of the time the advice comes from a helpful, but unfortunately ignorant place.
Here is some advice you can follow to ensure you’re screwed up, or at the very least, give yourself the best chance at it!
”You have to have expensive running gear in order to run properly.”
Everyone knows you can’t run unless you have the latest shoe technology, wind breaking jacket, sweat wicking socks, and GPS watch, right? While these items can be fun, they are also mandatory to enjoying your running experience. As an added bonus, you get to spend a truck load of money.
Running has the highest barrier to entry to any sport, at minimum you need somewhere to run. That’s asking a lot, I know.
“No pain, no gain.”, aka, ”Pain is just weakness leaving the body”.
As you tear the muscle from the bone or fracture a metatarsal bone, take temporarily comfort in knowing that you’ve overridden all of the warning signs your body was trying to deliver.
There’s really no reason to differentiate between soreness/dull pain, and the sharp acute pains you experience as the bones crack in your feet. It’ll all heal, eventually… and you’ll be the stronger for it.
“ Run on your toes”
Sprinters run on their toes, and look how fast they run! I watched Usain Bolt run and I’m pretty sure he only ran on the first three toes. His pinky toes didn’t even touch the ground.
By not allowing your heels to touch the ground you can better work out your Achilles tendon and calf muscles, giving them the strengthening workout they need.
If your calf hurts afterwards, you just need to keep practicing, eventually you’ll have muscles of steel and the iron will of a gladiator.
“Running is serious business”
If you don’t take running serious, you won’t do well. It’s not about having fun, it’s not about spending time on quiet introspection, and it’s sure as hell not something to do socially.
Plan a month’s worth of workouts and grind through them no matter what. When you’re through your training plan, start again, or get a longer plan.
“You’re too old to start running”
If you haven’t started running by the age of 20, you’ll never be as good as you could have been if you’ve started running at 16, so don’t bother.
If you start now, you’ll probably get shin splints and tear the cartilage in your knee, as you fall to the ground after experiencing a heart attack.
Just fatten yourself up to improve the outline on your couch.
“Take ibuprofen daily”
Always remember to take an ibuprofen before you run, and after. It’s best not to think of the consequences of ingesting chemicals. Ibuprofen stops pain, you get pain from running. Therefore, ibuprofen will prevent any pain you would have experienced during the run.
Just because the British Journal of Sports Medicine wrote that “there is no indication or rationale for the current prophylactic use of NSAIDs by athletes, and such ritual use represents misuse.” doesn’t mean they’re right. Chronic pain or dialysis forever is worth the risk to reap absolutely no benefit.
“Walking is evil”
If you go out for a run, and find yourself walking it, you’re an embarrassment to runners everywhere. Runners don’t walk, and walkers don’t run.
Hal Higdon may have struck a success w/folks learning to run longer, faster, and better — but you’re better than that.
Listen to the experts – Proper Running: From Heel to Toe – a video!
There are millions more tidbits of horrible advice, what’s your most cringe worthy?